May the Lord God and the King of heaven grant you grace and peace.

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A “berry” special friend of mine who I go to church with and sometimes meet with, remarked to me today that she “sensed bravery” from me.  I think it very kind of her to share that with me, and in the way I handle myself outwardly, I can kind of see why she had that feeling. Even so I really felt it important to share with her, (and everyone else), some insight into my life, where I came from,  and why I am the way I am.

bravery….  hmmm well…  i’ve had some hard lessons.  Much of my early adolescence had been stained by chubby-ness, double chin, oversize glasses, poor sense for style, self-doubt, and fear of rejection.  I was always one with a soft heart with lots of love to give, turn the other cheek when slapped… a combination that truly sucked at 12-13 years old… I survived and have found much happiness since.

Though sometimes I still feel the wounds of teasing and rejection… I forgive.  I still need gentleness in my life.  It is hard to find in this fast-paced world where most keep their vulnerabilities to themselves.

Having God in my life is such a blessing.  Knowing Him gives me purpose and drive, I seek His will daily.

But like Rev. Neill said last Sunday about asking God to show you His will, praying wholeheartedly for it and knowing that by asking Him you are asking for a fight by the forces of darkness…

All the pain I’ve gone through I think have been literal lessons in humility… junior high was one humiliation after another… I’m thankful for that.  Learning to cope after having to give up all care of my son… the only child I’ll ever have… a hard lesson in temperance.  It’s for the best all things considered.  Learning to truly place his care first ahead of my own needs… all forced lessons in mercy, compassion, and deep humility.  Love, mercy, meekness, gentleness… these traits literally come naturally to me.  This is who I am.  Ask anyone who has known me since childhood.  I think I’ve been marked by the Spirit since day one.  The pope John Paul ii even anointed my head with oil when I was four years old.

Hardness never came to me. I’ve made that conscious choice to forgive.  Bravery… I need Christ’s protection for that, and pondering His word has really helped.  My strength comes from my faith… the only peace and true encouragement I’ve found was in the love of our Father and His Gift to humanity, Christ’s intercession.

The best comfort I have when hitting bottom is the knowledge that I’ve been through worse already… I got through and today I feel ok.  No matter how hard I cry… no matter how sad or lonely I feel… I know… God can wipe away my tears and hold me in His strong arms.  He can remove my loneliness and make me feel loved and comforted, even when I am alone.

He gives me a need to help others… my immortal Hero, Jesus, knew it was crucial to spend his ministry teaching about love, truth, and forgiveness… he fought injustice and won his cause.  Triumphantly!

God’s divine purpose has conquered fear for ages.  He gave me strength when I was broken.  I know He will give me peace again when I need it most.  He can give you peace too… just ask Him for it and see for yourself.

God Bless you.  I’ll share more when I have some renewed strength and inspiration.

May your soul find peace in Jesus name.

Sincerely,

E.N.